We’re already there

Welcome to Deadspin Larry Michael!

The shark isn’t dead. Von had too much Old Spice on and it got violently ill. It was fine after washing that shit off when it was released back in the ocean.

The answer is clear: to offset the devil’s work over in East Lansing.

As a Bears fan, this would be our greatest success story since 1985.

It’s obviously this. A variation on the classic telephone tree. A tree that is shaped like a pyramid. And we all know the DeVos family loves a good pyramid scheme.

If there’s one thing The DeVos family knows, it’s pyramid schemes.

This is offensive!

You won’t have to wait a second. I believe the XFL bylaws state the national anthem will be played prior to every news conference and post game interview, as well as after every touchdown. Referees will be required to wear red white and blue striped unis with sparkly starred hats emblazoned with ‘Merica across the…

You had me until you put the word smart in there.

+One James Hetfield

Here here!

It’s easy to find assholes at Bills games. I found your asshole right here. And here. And here.  Here too. Probably down here too.

All this pot talk is giving me the munchies.

Bears fans wholeheartedly agree

All I want to know is, why is Curt Schilling so silent on this matter?

Did someone say elite?

In related news, Gronk is now a huge Toronto FC supporter.

“Psst, Andrew”