Limiting business owners’ rights or catering to second amendment crazies: it’s like the right’s Sophie’s choice.

Plus, they’re just lesbian cows in college then they “straighten out” and marry a good bull.

Maybe there’s hope for Kendall. Maybe she’ll flee this madness, move to Europe and model successfully while remaining reclusive and mysterious.

Damn...that’s some forceful sperm stream...

A gentleman friend and I were “getting to know each other” in his bedroom at his frat house. I was finishing up on him with my mouth when I pulled back at the exact moment he came. Straight into my eye. I shrieked, and ran to the bathroom.

Exactly. One of my friends kept inviting me to go camping with her and her friends. After turning her down for the third time, she said, “Yeah, I figured. I should know by now that you don’t wear pants or a bra on weekends.” True friend, that one.

I’m already being facebook-stalked by one member of my fiance’s family who aggressively comments to call out any inconsistency or change of plan since I’m a filthy no good liar and am just looking for an excuse to blow off her kids’ 22 months-old birthday celebration (she’s right, but “No Because You’re Insufferable”…

I need a shade court ruling on this one as well - it seems too in your face to be shade, but at the same time unless you know his dad died on 9/11, you’d think he was being supportive.

Now I am seriously craving some apple-bourbon pie...

That's very true - I didn't think about the replica angle and how hard it would be to create a copy of an uncut stone.

I'm thinking it was uncut, so no super sharp edges, just a shiny hunk of rock. But still rougher edges than I'd want to process.

I’d say it’s not the money you need to worry about, but the sneakiness/surprise factor. If it truly is just the normal, “Oh yeah, and gratuity and the sales tax”, I wouldn’t worry too much. If suddenly corkage fees are appearing and they drop a bomb like the present and agreed upon tables are actually a separate cost,…

This is a safe place, a loving place.

I give you permission to buy a bow and arrow and just take her out Katniss-style. No jury would ever convict you.

“MY WHOLE LIFE IS THUNDER!”

We’re doing donuts instead of cake - I could go “Flowers in the Attic” and hand out arsenic powdered donuts to our very special guests...

I emailed him a heads up, and we have a meeting next week where we’ll mention it again.

Damn, that’s cold. That is cold. I always wonder if certain women will ever truly like their son’s wife, or just secretly resenting their presence. Or if they're just oblivious to the harsh idiocy of their comments?