“MY WHOLE LIFE IS THUNDER!”

We’re doing donuts instead of cake - I could go “Flowers in the Attic” and hand out arsenic powdered donuts to our very special guests...

I emailed him a heads up, and we have a meeting next week where we’ll mention it again.

Damn, that’s cold. That is cold. I always wonder if certain women will ever truly like their son’s wife, or just secretly resenting their presence. Or if they're just oblivious to the harsh idiocy of their comments?

It’s a very visible sign they don’t control you, in my bitter opinion.

At least people will more than likely get a show with dinner!

If Mother’s Day was any indication, they’ll put a loud Mickey cartoon on for our poor nephew at the dinner table and have a slowly escalating in volume fight until he leaves the table to chug from a whiskey bottle and she loads the kid into the car, drives home, then drives back with the kid so she can scream at him.

Her husband is on board with her behavior - he told us it was an insult that we didn’t run the rehearsal dinner guest list by him. Which, um, was my fiance’s mom’s show anyway.

The answer is a lot of pot smoking. A lot.

She wants our photographer to do a special photo shoot exclusively of her family. She also wants to bring her own hair person to the bridal prep suite, and told me what hair and makeup I am wearing, because it would best complement hers. She added embellishments to her dress so she could stand out. As a bridesmaid.

She already let it slip to a mutual friend she and her husband are announcing their second pregnancy at our wedding. They decided this almost ten months ago. They are coordinating their copulation and conception around our wedding date. We don’t doubt that regardless of whether there’s a fetus, they will be announcing.

My fiance’s brother and husband to the terrible sister-in-law had to be restrained at his grandfather’s funeral after being told he was not allowed to give the eulogy by the military officiant (yes, he was trying to punch a military chaplain at a cemetery). Apparently after 6 whiskeys the morning of the funeral, he…

If I could, I’d get married in a Lil Sebastian shirt and no pants, with the microwave heating up leftover waffles. You are halfway to livin’ my dream...

My aunt wanted to be invited so she could decline when we refused to pay for her hotel and airfare. She didn’t want to come, she wanted a reason to bitch about my parents and their lack of generosity towards her.

Are there other fancy items you’d like/use more? Register for those. Use the Waterford as your toasting flutes and that’s why you only need two.

Their anniversary is two or three weeks after the wedding. The day after our wedding, they are leaving on their second all-expense-paid (by the in-laws) Disneyland vacation of the year, because they were so sour about our wedding. Irony? She and I picked the date together. I had it planned a couple weeks earlier out…

Ha! My mother-in-law: “No one comes to a wedding for the couple, they come for the party and booze!”

We did this! But we also used MyRegistry.com, where you can make gifts “private” so no one thinks we actually registered for a deluxe dishwasher with the expectation of getting it from someone.

I’m dealing with the opposite as a bride - one of my bridesmaids had a partially shaved head when I asked her. I knew this because I can see, and she looks awesome with it, and when she had reservations about getting it grown out in time, told her it’s her freaking hair, rock it however and don’t worry about it!…

We’re dealing with a sister-in-law who wants her own photo shoot at our wedding, as well as an anniversary dance honoring her and her husband (note - who have not even hit the five year mark), and gave me the order in which she wants the wedding party walking down the aisle.