I love Sorority girls' penchant for fancy-ing up even the most mundane of details. "GOD BECKY THIS DRESS ISN'T PURPLE YOU DUMB BITCH IT'S CLEARLY AUBERGINE."

i JUST REALIZED that nancy grace and paula deen were not the same person.

a weeping willow because it was so awful that I cried

What kind of fucking monster kills a dog?

If you kill my dog I fucking kill you straight up no questions asked ever

^^My main takeaway

if a cat came out of a duffle on a bus i was on i would be fucking delighted and no trip would ever be as good.

ATTN: "Timber" is the best song of any year ever and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

He can complain all he wants about every fifth accuser, but I think it's quite telling that not one co-star from The Cosby Show has really stood up for him.

I'm a white guy and an ex-cop. I can't say I have white liberal guilt. It's really more like shame, at this point, where I have to fight the urge to just shake my head and mutter, "Jesus Christ, I am really sorry...".

It's so subversive. You're going to be in drag.

I once went out with a guy who said he was a writer, and since I'm also a writer, I asked who some of his favorite authors were. He said,

OF COURSE U PUPPETS AT JEZEBEL WOULD IGNORE THE REAL STORY

"If Dave Chapelle was White."