They always accidentally sit on it.

I've said it before, and will continue to say it: Please, from all the nurses out there, if you're going to shove something in one of your holes, just tie a goddamned string around it first!

And then he pulls his pipe out?

Now the holiday season is truly complete. It's tradition in our home to gather round the fireplace as a family, mugs of cocoa cupped in our hands, while Granpapa reads the list of objects people have stuck up their asses.

Men, I ask you, is there a more ghastly combination of words in the English language than..

Three years? Bah. Down here in New Orleans the rape crisis unit leaves 'em untested for a decade. Standard practice, yo.

dude

We're always happy to dump on ESPN when they screw up, but submitting a well-researched public records request on a subject of legitimate public interest in the expectation that it won't be sprayed all over the internet on Christmas Eve in an attempt to dampen its findings is definitely not an area where they screwed…

Quasi-sterilised needles? Poseurs. In my day it was a rusty compass and bic ink sucked out of a pen! Still, my old classmate who eternally proclaimed his love for 'Neeve' on his arm for all eternity under a shaky...frankly, it looked Arnold's head...is finally on the cutting edge of fashion.

It wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't bragged about it so much. It seemed to be more of a humble-brag post about how churchy and "spiritual" the parents are, than about the kids.

I have seen a blow-up lawn scene of snowmen having an "ugly Christmas sweater" party. Further evidence to prove your point.

The big trend I've noticed is that the local Goodwills/Salvation Armies/thrift stores are ransacked by all the small "vintage" (or whatever) boutiques and cleaned out of every single Ugly Christmas Sweater. Then boutiques mark them up 300% and sell them to suckers.

Yes. :(

A week or two ago in Hartford there was an Ugly Sweater Run, so I agree that we've hit peak Ugly Sweater. Also, those things are usually made of acrylic, which can't be great to run in. http://theuglysweaterrun.com/

Weird, as it's only within the last two years I've been receiving invites to Ugly Sweater Parties. Are you trying to tell me all of my friends are horribly passé?

Dear Burt,

Sigh. I used to go out with a guy with that name.

I laughed so hard at every joke in this piece people think I have Robin Williams in my office doing stand-up from 1986. OMG. OMG Lindy.

Thank you for hating this movie as much as I do. IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE! Like, all these "couples" and somehow they intersect and that's magical, particularly because it's Christmas time. Fuck this movie and every other movie that has intersecting love stories (I'm looking at you Valentines Day, et al).

When did this movie become Citizen Kane? I feel like it's been everywhere this month (my Facebook newsfeed in-particular) and I don't recall it being this popular before.