Oh I see. I thought your response was denying that you had pooped on other people’s choices. I didn’t realize you had acknowledged that you shouldn’t have done that. I appreciate your concern about me having to convince myself of something!

Oh yeah, those realtionships are totally inegalitarian, and the women in question had very little power and probably wouldn’t have been able to leave. But I think that a lot of the comments here are picturing perfectly upstanding guys in relationships with shrieking harpies hell-bent on marriage, and I don’t think…

Oh sure, those are absolutely great reasons. Just the reason “I didn’t really feel like it” is a perfectly fine reason not to get married. It’s the part where you say you find it phony and full of show, and that married people are somehow not waking up every morning and making the commitment to be together…

It’s possible that we just have basically different definitions of an ultimatum, because to me, having the conversation and saying, “you have time to think over your answer, but not forever, and if your answer is no, then I am leaving” still counts. But yes, I totally agree that is the way to do it versus simply out…

Hahaha now I want to start referring casually to my whole marriage as “a fun cheap little excursion.”

I do feel like people are wilfully ignoring the fact that some men (and women!) do stay in relationships they don’t see as long-term until something better comes along. These aren’t good men (or women), and you are definitely better off if they choose the “get off the pot” end of the ultimatum, but that is absolutely…

I think it depends on why? Like, if my now-husband had said, “Look, I am committed to you, but I feel strongly about never getting married because of xyz,” I would have been totally fine with that. But if he had said, “Ehhh, I don’t know, I am really happy with the status quo. Maybe let’s think about it later?” that…

It sounds like they did, though? I mean, don’t get me wrong, the tone of that xojane article totally rubbed me the wrong way. But it does sound like they had had numerous conversations about being married and having children, just not about what the specifics of the proposal timeline were.

On the one hand, I am totally with you; saying yes is obviously choosing long-term commitment. Hell, building a life together, like they have, is a pretty long-term commitment!

I never understand this attitude. It is fine and great that you and your partner are doing what works for you! Have at it! Enjoy your life! I’ve just never understood why you would have to poop on other people’s choices in order to do so.

But I think that he is choosing to be with her in a long-term way, by...currently being with her in a long-term way. I mean, I get what she is saying, because we all have that inside of us going, “You aren’t worthy; no one really loves you.” But they have a mortgage, for crying out loud! They have a life together. If…

I was walking with my now-husband in a shopping centre and turned to him suddenly and said, “I think I’m going to marry you.” The thought had just occured to me with supreme clarity - like, I had thought about it before and was pretty sure about it a couple months in, but all of a sudden, I was like, “Oh wow, this is…

I think that a lot of men actually want to do the proposing? Like, my husband really wanted to propose to me, not out of some misplaced sense of masculine pride, but because it was something that he valued doing and had always vaguely wanted to do. I think that he felt that men didn’t have a lot of opportunities for…

I disagree (depending on the relationship). If the deal is actually that you want to get married as a gesture of commitment, or you want to leave and be free to find a person who is willing to commit to you, then I think an ultimatum is appropriate (following on conversations, etc.). So, like, if a man or a woman is…

Aside from the fact that marriage is important to me - which it is - these smug comments about how marriage doesn’t matter ignore the fact that it absolutely does. Being my husband’s wife means that people view me very differently in a lot of situations. This is made more significant by the fact that we are young-ish…

I’m sorry that happened to you, but that is a very specific situation, and there is nothing to suggest that men would be divorcing sick wives at a greater rate than women would be divorcing sick husbands for that reason. It is terrible that you had to be in that situation, but this particular thread is about a trend…

I thank my husband for doing stuff because, although he tries, we do not have an even distribution of housework. So when he does housework, I try to notice it as, like, positive reinforcement so that he does it more.

Yeah I always think it’s weird when people complain about meat-free weddings. Like, if you are getting food and you can eat it, who cares? I eat meat, but a fair number of my meals happen not to have meat in them; this is just another one.

I’ve just always been a Ms. Not everybody agrees with that, but I have been filling out “Ms.” on all forms as long as I can remember, and I have continued to do so. I think that technically you are a Ms. when you marry and don’t change your name? But either way, I have never liked being a Miss, and I don’t much relish…

My brother has always been a huge douche about the name-changing question (he contends that it is “disrespectful” not to take your husband’s last name and proves you don’t really love him), so a not-insignificant part of why I didn’t change my name was because fuck him. But also, we have a cool family name (like, a…