Did she maybe just pause because of how weird the question is?

Actually both our families are awesome and wonderful. There are a couple of problem relatives on both sides, but the rest of the family recognizes them and either avoids them or runs interference. We are suuuuuper lucky in that regard.

But he has his dad’s name too, right? I don’t totally get the logic there. Obviously I don’t object, because whatever works for your family is great! I’m just not clear on what you mean.

I love this. This is an incredibly sweet and touching way of handling the last name question, and I love it. Thanks for sharing!

One of my best friends had the last name Knight and she changed it when she got married. I was irate! (I mean, I was irate in secret to my boyfriend, because it is her choice, and I am not a monster). But how are you going to change your name from Knight? That is a spectacular name! My friend whose last name was…

Oh my God, the sister after me (I am the oldest, she is two grades under me) got this all the time, and it was really unfair. One time, a teacher accidentally called her by my name, and my sister said, “Oh no, I’m Sister,” and the teacher said, “Oh that’s right...[MyName] was practically perfect in every way.”

Well I would, but he would also like to be included! We are currently at something of an impasse and have agreed to put it on hold for the time being. I would love it if he would take my name and/or that could be the kids’ name, but I understand that he has the same reservations I do about changing his name.

This has convinced me!

He hasn’t been thus far, but it would be so cool if he did!

Oh I see. No, I meant to demonstrate that it really isn’t equal. Glad you had me clarify, since I obviously wasn’t clear!

Oh man, I love that system. If one of you is kind of red and scrunched up and squalling, that one is totally going to win!

I’m not really worried about people not believing it is my kid (although I do hate customs enough that even the extra second of having to explain that when on visits to my family in their country is already giving me nightmares), but it does matter to me personally.

I would love that. I commented earlier to someone that I was disappointed that more people weren’t offering anecdotes about men taking women’s last names, or the kids getting the mom’s last name. I am so happy that a wave of people like you came in to prove me wrong!

I am pretty open to this idea. My not wanting to change my last name is more about specifically not wanting to take my husband’s last name, because I think that is bullshit. He, however, actually doesn’t want to change his last name, period.

I thought I was going to have to murder my brother. My dad was, I think, needling us, because he is kind of an asshole and thinks it’s funny to be dismissive about things that are important to others. My brother actually feels that a woman who refused to take his name must be doing it because she doesn’t love him.…

Well yeah, but I don’t want to minimize his role in their lives in any way. Like, sure, I’ll grow them, but (hopefully) we’ll both raise them equally, and I don’t think that the 10 months of gestation and labor trump the next lifetime. Plus there are obviously mothers who did not grow their kids, and they might still…

I am so bad about traveling internationally that I would do anything to streamline the process even by a second. But also, you can’t fill out the same boarding card if you have different last names, so I always assumed that there were other related issues.

WHO WOULDN’T WANT THE LAST NAME IRONCASTLE?

I am down with the blending, but he really doesn’t want to change his name. Maybe he and I could keep our names, but our kids could have a blended name? Our names actually blend together pretty well. Like, you would believe that it was a real last name.

Well what I mean is that, that is a good compromise in theory, but the problem is that in practice, one person “wins.” Like, if you say the full name, then both our names are in there, but if you leave out the middle name - which come on, everybody does - then only one person’s last name is included. So when people…