That blows up any chance of him finding his hand twin anytime soon.

This story will mutate into how he ran into Jerome Bettis.

What? Homophobes? Does that mean we should boycott miners and minors?

Need a new hashtag...NATINALS trumps LOLMETS

WWWRD? = What Would Willie Randolph Do, c.2007.

Jason Stark is going to be pissed that you scooped him on this one (unless he was ghostwriting this).

Just hand the government your paycheck to fight "global warming" since you don't have anything better to do with it.

I expect Curt Schilling to reply to this editorial in full.

Refile under "lolmets"

Who cares? Pro basketball isn't a real sport.

Damnit!! Kelly Ripa would be proud.

ESPN, the Worldwide Leader in disregard for HIPAA laws.

Lou Holtz possessed her body for a few minutes.

Ridiculous. Just like everything else government is shoving down our throats these days.

I hope this stops the epidemic of dogs having burnt paws. It's happened so much throughout the ages.

They are going to be used at some gay wedding. Taste the rainbow.

Got married, then divorced.

Bob Costas has just become the Antonin Scalia of sportscasters.

It will be great when this guy is off the air and Gawker is gone too.