Americans: It's time to put your foot (feet?) down here. Pass some laws. No sales until Black Saturday (the one that happens AFTER t-giving). Put an end to this nonsense once and for all. As it is, you're going to have to time travel to enjoy Thanksgiving because Black Friday is now starting the week before.

Oh damn. You're right! I got Cleary and Blume mixed up there. I read them both when I was like 7.

Well Judy Bloom wrote a whole book about a kid who obsessively sends fan mail to a writer, right? I think that book must have been an influence in my early years.

I had a phase of doing this as kid. The first celebrity I ever wrote to was Jonathon Taylor Thomas. I got a signed postcard back. Then I wrote to various astronauts and they usually sent signed photos back. I chanced my arm with Billy Corgan, but never heard back. I pretty much quit after that, except for every few…

idk I feel like one of us could totally move in on England's Prince Harry, thus upsetting the inbred royal game.

You convince the mummies of well-to-do but boring dentists with inherited titles who can't get dates because they're insufferable that you would be good "breeding stock." Inside information right here. (Note: By inside information, I mean that I once watched a season of Ladette to Lady.)

Cloud Atlas!

And don't forget that white guy who played a Korean character in that film that I can't recall the name of because I didn't see it, but someone out there totally knows what I'm talking about, right? It was like sci fi? And part of the premise was that this guy changed race a few times? I don't know. I thought of…

Blah blah blah they spent their money at this store because the company promised them something (in this case, access to a sale) in return. Then the company went back on their end, which is false advertising at best, racist at worst. These women are well within their rights as consumers to seek redress. They're not…

Fuck. I thought I hallucinated this in the 90s. But it was real!

What's weirder, though? That she blurred the models' skin to make them look like cartoons? Or that she also blurred all the potatoes to make them look airbrushed, too?

This photo has been stretched out in Photoshop an absurd amount. Unless this woman is really like 11 heads tall?

Christianity paved the way for colonisation, so it was only a matter of time before it fused with capitalism completely.

Run! Run before this dude checks your prostate gland without your consent!

Crotch shot! This is the kind of asshole who takes up too much room on the subway.

Chris Christie, though?

Isn't it the US government's fault for letting it come to this in the first place, though? They'll send in the army to shut down terrorist groups abroad, but don't bat an eyelash at the terrorist group (the kkk) on their own soil? And that there are police officers that belong to said terrorist group is shocking.…

Oh man. People are really jumping on you for judging this woman's decision to drop money on pet psychics. It's not like you're preventing her from exercising her right to pay pet psychics. Yeah, I sometimes buy a cup of coffee when I have the money, but I'm still going to judge the fuck out of John McCain when doesn't…

If that dog is alive, he clearly doesn't want to be found.

51! No! I can't believe it. Not with that baby face.