One of my friends from high school just named her son Casen...do you have any idea how hard it will be not to say “like the milk protein?” now if I ever see her in person and not just on Facebook.

I have 3. The entertainment isn’t so much constant as it is well timed in fits and bursts to remind you that you love them and would regret abandoning them to be raised by wolves.

I *almost* added that to the post as well but couldn’t figure out a decent transition, but you’re so right. I really wish she’d said something about it, I hope it comes up in another debate.

Actually all presidential debates are split screen. But in this case, it was pure magic. It was like watching a mom with a patient but meaningful raised eyebrow waiting for her toddler to wind down after a sugar high.

Well it’s a shame it took her whole family getting sick but it’s refreshing to hear an anti-vaxxer say “I was wrong, I was batshit, I’ve since researched and have changed my mind”.

I lol’d at hemorrhoids and then got sad. Too real. Too true. Too soon.

Dave Mathews Band.... If you had sex in the 90's, you probably got your crotch chaffed to “Crash.”

I mean, lady coffins HAVE to be more expensive. Our curvy Boobs n’ Things means we need more wood than men do. Plus, EVERYONE knows that when ladies die, our spirits are forced to walk the earth forever, nagging men and screeching into the ether. And that obviously means our graves require regular salting and…

GOD DAMMIT THAT’S BECAUSE AUTISM PRESENTS AROUND THE SAME TIME AS VACCINES ARE RECOMMENDED WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?

came for the insane comments

My mom isn’t even OLD. She’s only 52. She acts like she’s two years away from needing to be put in a home and wearing Depends. She did NOT do well turning 50.

No. It’s a shitty thing to say. Some people can’t even help it, sometimes it’s just genetics.

I am always surprised when I’m reminded she’s younger than me. I think of her as an older drunk aunt who’s always talking about quitting smoking and telling you bawdy jokes that make her laugh to herself and then her laughs turn into hacking coughs.

like, she knows that we all know who her mother is, right?

There is nothing more humble than talking about how humble you are, is there?

My mother taught me to always be humble

They should have proper sex ed and access to birth control. The former makes teens put sex off, and the latter keeps them from dealing with the shittiest consequences of their stupid teen brains.

OT: but does anyone else weirdly like school supplies? like i could spend an hour in office depot or staples, lovingly pouring over the post its.