To be fair, Franken said quite explicitly “and it’s my job to keep the democratic process safe even when I like someone personally, so of course I’ll continue to hit Sessions hard.” (I’m paraphrasing but that was the context of that entire quote.) And, well after that blanket was knitted, Franken did hit the hell out…

Sorry, Donny, it says your hands have to be this big to ride this ride

Well, let’s not forget the inauguration. He’d stand right in the rain getting soaked and totally tell himself the sun was out now because God was smiling on him.

Not only are they holding hands like normal humans who do not hate each other, they obviously just had fun. The one thing I hear from every aide who’s talked about riding on Air Force One is that HOLY SHIT IT’S FUN. Even if you’re sleeping on the floor with the other aides in the little aides cabin, probably a lot…

Da, we have nyet bananas.

This is me. I have been told it’s because I have O negative blood, or because of diet, or because I’m a shambling freckle all summer, and god knows how many other stupid reasons. But whatever the cause, they really love me. I’ll go outside for ten minutes and get twenty bites and nobody else even notices a mosquito. I…

Nothing deserves its werf being flammened like mosquitoes in the house

What’s the mosquito equivalent of pooping in your shoe? Inquiring minds NEED to know. (And if you come back and tell me mosquitos have some kind of hive mind with enough sentience for some kind of orchestrated vengeance on researchers, I’m never getting out from under the bed again.)

You might get your pick of jobs at the turd-sorting factory - I hear Trump has thousands of advisers he hasn’t gotten around to hiring yet. (I might take the mosquitoes.)

I don’t think he knows how not to lie. He lies so often about so many things great and small that I suspect he probably doesn’t even know when he is and isn’t lying anymore, himself.

The man needs to live long enough to die in jail.

What are they doing to keep Donnie Two Scoops from tweeting right now? I’m imagining a sweaty, grunting, red-faced Sean Spicer holding Trump back by the bathrobe tie while Kellyanne makes a surprise grab for his phone off the back of the can and just runs for it.

What phrase is jockeying for most frantically repeated on Fox News right now: “witch hunt” or “nothingburger”?

I’m sorry that this is relevant to you personally in some way, and I wish you strength and peace wherever you need it.

oh this is delightful, thank you!

She’s Gloria Allred the ultra-powered super-lawyer, but she’s also a person who has spent years of her life holding the stories of literally dozens of women who were abused and traumatized by this man. This is probably a pretty emotionally charged week for Gloria. It seems pretty understandable that she would have a…

He’s trying to gaslight the fuck out of her and her mom both - but he’s also torquing her arm hard. By making her relive the traumatic experience, twisted to sound like she wanted what he did to her, he’s saying look what I’ll do to you if you don’t stay quiet - even your mother will doubt you - this is just a taste…

I’ve heard people from the intelligence community who specialize in Russia refer to Trump’s role with the Russians as a “useful idiot.” He’s unprincipled, he’s undisciplined, he’s dumb as dirt, and he is incredibly easy to manipulate. Putin couldn’t have dreamed up a more perfect stooge.

The problem would be determining who got to decide what went on the test, and who oversaw whether or not the test was fair and equally administered. Think Texas-style textbook wars times eleventy billion. We stopped letting states administer tests to potential voters for a reason.

haha no this is the sort of shit that gets a “Should he apologize? Sure, but I think he’s learned his lesson by having a mild rebuke from me and no other consequences whatsoever” from Ryan. He’ll probably get a congratulatory Presidential tweet and a committee chairmanship out of it.