parent volunteer here and I would not let that woman anywhere near my bake sale

I messed up my hand like a dumbass a few years back by carrying my giant baby wrong, and spent quality time at a hand surgeon’s office. 90% of the visits there involve sitting in a big physical therapy room with a ton of other patients waiting for techs to fit or adjust all kinds of casts or braces. That room had a…

At least here in Obamatown/Liberal Candyland, whenever the larger progressive community turns out for any kind of political event like this, you also get a small contingent of ISO/RCP wackadoodles showing up too. They’re easy to spot because they’re all like 19, they wear a lot of buttons proclaiming their distaste…

don’t kid yourself - his corpulent butt gets carted to the ball by a groaning golf cart between each and every stroke. He can’t even climb a single flight of stairs without a handrail and a huff-and-puff face.

You incorrectly assume that mane of rancid hay is real. We aren’t going to see his real color unless he lands in a prison where weaves are considered contraband.

I had never seen this before - thank you!

oh goodness, that’s well past his reading level and in far too good taste. He would not, could not read you see, must be fake news, oh let him be!

I heard Carter say in an interview that when Trump repeatedly sent Carter all those pitiful press clipping photos of himself to show Graydon he did too have big boy hands, over DECADES, he always annotated them with gold Sharpie. “See, not so short!” he would scribble next to a pic of circled fingers. Carter always…

No orange makeup on the spindly lil legs. Only the face (except the eyeholes of course.)

We don’t have a lot of money, but I am a religiously generous tipper. For one thing, I have a small child, so I add a hefty “thank you for tolerating us” bonus onto every tip. And for another, my aunts were steakhouse waitresses in the 1960s and 70s who worked hard for their money. They drilled into us that you…

What about the tides? Tide comes in, tide comes out. You can’t explain that!

Oh yeah the Presidency must be a cakewalk, Donny - just look at Barry now, he doesn’t look a day over 110.

Every family should have a plan as to how they would hook up if something weird happened near home, and it’s never a bad idea to have a phone charger, a change of clothes or two, and a few days’ worth of water, medicine, and shelf-stable food ready to grab and go. I seriously doubt the apocalypse is coming, Trump or…

we ARE the country with an insane dictator on somebody else’s border now, sigh. Wishing the best for your family. I feel ill when I think about the inflammatory shit that just rolls out Trump’s mouth and about how there doesn’t seem to be anyone who can or will stop him from being so wildly, unthinkingly irresponsible.

I have no problem with anything Barack Obama is likely to say to rich folks who come to hear him speak, whether he gets paid or not. He is going to be a hell of a lot more likely to put out a message I approve of than just about anybody else who’d be asked to speak to any of those assholes. If he can convince them to…

Way back during the primaries, I asked Mr. Arthur whether he thought Trump’s dayglo spray tan included the undercarriage, or if the orange stopped at the Speedo line and left him wearing creepy little undersized pink ghost drawers. He blinked a moment and replied “ghost junk drawers, but not pink, GRAY.” STILL MAD…

It didn’t work in the private sector either. Trump would be infinitely richer had he just invested his daddy’s money in an index fund. Doing it his way has literally lost him millions.

I’m so sorry. Your poor doggie.

I love my hometown boy made good Jim DeRogatis for relentlessly going after him. The music world continues to pretend R. Kelly is just a harmless perv and not a serial rapist and a pedophile, but DeRogatis will never ever let up on the ugly truth of that story, and I love him for it.

Parasites aside, people think the most dangerous beasts in Africa are lions or crocodiles or what have you - but of what we think of as “safari creatures” (aka African charismatic megafauna) hippos are the biggest assholes in the bush. They’re ill-tempered as hell and they weigh 3,000 lbs and they run a lot faster…