My mental image of a prepper will forever be Reba McEntire in Tremors.

“Kids, if you sell enough chocolate bars this spring, the K-9 unit might just have enough to money to buy Roscoe here a pair of fake knockers that might one day save his life.”

So how do you plan to vote?

Well...

There will be plenty of time for that once Team D gets the W. Nab that veto point!

Yeah, and WOMP FUCKING WOMP.

Maybe we should have organized some sort of iterative voting process to determine who could attract the most votes. It might even span almost a year! We could call it a “Preliminary,” or something like that.

At least a used condom might’ve stopped a virus

Ah, Infinite Jest. Can’t think of a better book to to entertain myself, while not able to connect with people, than a preachy trolly tome about our obsession with self-entertainment and how it impedes our ability to connect with people.

Wait’ll she endorses Biden.

Thing is, though, I would vote for Biden over, say, John Huntsman.

Great, now I have that Pavement song stuck in my head.

I bet that was the plan all along!

Half of Americans are bad. For this reason, democracy is kind of bad too. 

There is no more evidence that these supporters exist in substantial numbers than there was that Warren or Bernie were “unelectable”. Look, it really sucks when your guys loses the primary; hence this mopey essay. Boo hoo, nobody likes them, everybody hates them, they’re gonna go eat worms...but I would wager that…

I have yet to see a convincing estimate showing that in absence of their candidate winning the nomination or at least a substantial portion of the Sanders platform being adopted by the Biden campaign, sufficient numbers of Bernie primary supporters will abstain from voting to blow the election. So why, at this point,…

The Gawker XFL

I mean hell, why not just hold it in the four or five states really up for grabs?

This is good kinja

Ooh, lucky for you, there’s a Gawker alum here to handwave that all away: