""Don't ask Marc Jacobs to make you something if you can't even afford Marc by Marc Jacobs."

I feel like the problem with plus sized retailers is that they have to be everything to everyone. Smaller girls have more choice—fancier stores, more casual stores, ones that cater to older women, etc. Meanwhile, plus sized ladies have maybe 5-7 stores to choose from. And they use the excuse the excuse that fatties…

It was a very warm September night in downtown Toronto when my fraternity decided to have their first weekly meeting of the new year Usually attendance at weekly meetings was semi-optional with a general understanding that so long as you attended one or two a month you were generally good to go. The first meeting of…

Several years back I was homeless in San Francisco. I could often find friends to stay with, but not every night. The night of this tale I was trying to sleep in the park, and to help me sleep and forget about my shitty predicament I had bought a big jug of Carlo Rossi. Around midnight I'm good and sloshed, but still…

Bonus mini story, we once had a rooster that attacked me so often my mom let me chop it's head off. I was 5.

I once went snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef, in an area that we were promised was netted to prevent shark incursions. I was swimming around, blissfully snapping pictures with my underwater camera, when I noticed two blacktip sharks swimming maybe 30 feet from me. In the interests of full disclosure, I'll say that…

Birds, mostly poultry, hate me. I have been attacked on sight on more then one occasion.

I did the exact same thing once at The Cheesecake Factory. You should have seen the look on that god damn kid's face when I bought up all the cheesecakes in the place. The resulting Chapter 7 bankruptcy was so worth it

Have you been married for six years? Is your wife pregnant? I thought you only stuck to Reddit and Tumblr.

You know what would make us happy? If jerky, rapey assholes would stop raping so we wouldn't have this conversation in the first place.

This is how the conversation went down:

Since you don't get to decide what ruins someone's life, #5 is not hyperbole at all. People commit suicide over rape. People go to therapy for years. I don't even think it covers what some victims face.

Maybe he wears a very well tailored person suit.

If you're too pregnant to run, sit on a skateboard and get your friend to push you rilly rilly fast. Just get the hell outta there! Jiminy jeezus.

"My husband is a nice, gentle man who is supportive and kind to my face but has a sinister, sick side that is even more malevolent given the fact that he is so sly and secretive about it. In our 9-year relationship, we've fought three times total which shows the almost psychopathic levels he goes to to suppress his…

As far as tipping with change, if your crappy beer was $1.75, $2.75, etc leaving that quarter as tip is not ok. I'm friends with this couple that both bartend at the same bar and one of my daughters worked under the wife. Now one of my sons does. She has always been very generous with tipping out my kids. (So because…

The worst is when you know someone is intentionally not leaving 20% because they're miffed at God knows what, and so I end up leaving a 40 or 50% tip on my share of the bill that I can't really afford to leave but I don't want the waiter to get stiffed. This goes double if the bad tipper refuses to listen to me about…