The first pitch is probably a better idea than their original plans to have him land a plane in a giant keg of beer.

Simply inject $180,000 directly into the bloodstream. Problem solved.

@OokieDookie: Close. Scrumtralescent. That article was so incredibly scrumtralescent, I can barely move.

@Evgeni Merkin: Ask not what your 15th beer can do for you, ask what you can do for your 15th beer.

I'm sure Leon Lett was just happy to be reunited with Michael after all these years.

All I hear is "It's a-me! Adam Jones!"

@Candace Parker Secret Lover: Randall Simon is a whiny brat.

Don't beat our meat! But teach Prince how to scoop a ball please.

@Candace Parker Secret Lover: Cesar made the team because of his "happy ending" abilities.

@LostinTheOffice: Remember that one time when we were #5 in the nation? Awesome, says this Badger fan.

@Doyle McPoyle: Manny = Russian front. All will be good shortly.

Well Joe, looks like it is back to whoring yourself out to middle eastern royalty.

Auburn is trbl. T-R-B-L trbl.

@Gourmet Spud: Mr. Wiley doesn't like anyone to put a skirt on him besides Mrs. Wiley.

@StevieQ: Clearly you haven't had my world-famous chicken malt.

@Hit Bull Win Steak: These puns are pretty la-z-boy.

In unrelated news, ESPN to show 800 additional hours of trick shot billiards in 2009.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then its Tony Romo and Jason Witten.

@Simple_Man: Sadly, when he bombed the door to his hideout, he was met with a "Pay me for the door repair charge."

Terrorists are attacking our imagination!