Crypto is boring , lets have more celeb cults please jeebus.

No. From now on, Patrick is known as xXxPartyBaby69xXx.

There used to be this website called “Deadspin” (it was pretty good!) that did what I still consider to be the definitive take-down of Whitlock. It was biting and they had ALL the receipts:

Jay-z probably wrote the contract.  He always gets paid 

“Official Entertainment Minstrel of the National Football League: Shawn Corey Carter.”

The coolest Lamborghini never made was the Asterion

There is no real origin story for Splinter.

While I certainly appreciate this post and I’m genuinely glad that the Splinter staff got to do a proper farewell post, the fact that it’s coming weeks after G/O Media and Jim Spanfellatio unceremoniously suffocated the site with a pillow, followed by decapitating their marquee site is just the goddamn perfect turd on…

Yeah, Splinter was no Gawker, but it didn’t need to be. It was a great place for undoctored news in a time where we have an entire news network that does the bidding of a fascist and his party. I didn’t always agree with the takes, but it was nice to have a place that cut through the bullshit.

ALL THESE WEBSITES ARE YOURS – EXCEPT IO9
ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.

True story: Jim Spanfeller’s resume is just a soggy cardboard box. 

Thanks for everything guys.

I boiled that prayer down kid-sized for bedtime memorization:

They definitely love their dunkin donuts and clam chowdah. So wrong. 

Any vulnerable infant unlucky enough to be “cuddled” by Mel is going to burst into terrified screaming in her icy, robotic clutch in about one second.

Yeah, the idea that Corden confronted anyone about anything is probably the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.

I mean if her dad can do it, the bars pretty low. 

Press F to Deadspin Forever.

Stealth Deadspin article?

Man, good eye!