If my friend decides that her stupid baby means they don’t have time for HBO and cancel their account, my world will be an emptier place.

I think Michelle Shocked was once famous? Her wiki entry is, to put it lightly, alarming.

I made hummus from scratch yesterday for a party tomorrow. Benghazi! hummus is brilliant.

Never too late to refer to him as “Gangrenous dong Ted Nugent.”

Weirder things have happened. The Indians blew a 3-1 lead.

The picture doesn’t trigger anything but “this is another Browns player I don’t know.”

Great work obscuring the team’s name in the fine print. Kudos.

♫ You put your left leg in

Went to TJ’s today. Those bastards were smiling so hard their cheeks cramped. But was it genuine? Who’s to say.

Finally a convincing reason not to go fucking penguins.

I think it’s an Irish guy from Boston thing.

Chief of Police William McManus is withholding comment until investigators can establish if the salsa came from New York City.

For the last time, IT’S CALLED A GRANDE.

European soccer fans are going have quite the time parsing the image at the top.

Holy fuck. He’s like a lucky troll doll with poor shot selection.

The one thing that Southerners and the Chinese can agree on: pork is a welcome accent to nearly every vegetable.

Bold choice to create your mascot by anthropomorphizing Donald Trump’s fingers.

He looks like a dollar store Ken Doll that was left out in the sun.

Either Dark Knight taken, he’s auditioning for the nickname Injeurys Familia.