Universal Law:

+1 for being quicker on the draw.

Of all the possible highlights that I thought could end up on Deadspin from a IU / MSU game, a positive one for IU was not really considered.

Who said they were Mexicans? Why do you assume that?

"I need to google you!"

You notice how he's not flipping anyone off?

If Shannon Sharpe is involved, "talking" also needs to be in quotes.

Air, ranked.

1) Water.

Looks like the profile of World Trade Center #2.

Doesn't he know he's supposed to put his best face forward?

Knock it off, that's akknnoying.

12, but Calvin Johnson and Peterson were keepers from last year.

What the hell is this? Did I get drunk and stumble onto Jezebel?

They made a good match with Calvin Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Rob Gronkowski in the starting lineup.

Welker's teamed up with Aaron Hernandez and Rae Carruth. I feel good about OJ as my flex.

The WNBA season is over? That means it's time for Gold Rush: Alaska to come back!

Neither is my starting running back tandem of Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice.

This is completely false. He still has Florio.