He didn't get much in his mouth, but at least it wasn't a waste of perfectly good beer.

Well, they did have a grand Wizard at shortstop

Best Klans In Baseball

In addition to his homer, Hosmer hit a dousble and a trisple.

Most pools are full of idiots anyway.

Maybe I am an anomaly with this, but I hate giving a handjob or blowjob to completion. Yes, it's a turn on for me at first, so it's not like I get nothing out of it, but I get bored way before he comes. Manual and/or oral action as part of foreplay? Yes, all the time. But once I'm turned on, I want PIV, not to…

If you wanted to give denizens free shit, Taco Bell would be a better choice.

"Okay. Current address. That good?"

"I swear to god, if you call the cops I'll throw myself down the depth chart."

can i get a holla from anyone who doesn't have kids, but does have an IUD? i'm 23, been on the pill for 5 years and am admittedly not that great at taking it every day. i use condoms most of the time (and pull out if not) but just want something more concrete. my doc said it's an option but not one she would recommend…

Yeah, yeah. We get it, Jameis. That's going to happen regardless of what she says but part of the deal is you also not talking about it.

Some people will ignore warnings about consuming too much myotonic goat cheese.

Gonna go out on a limb here, but the only NFLer who should be hitting his kid with a stick is Deion Branch.

"Aww... so cute! Look at those little cleats and the jersey, too!"

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

Better on your torso than inside it, I guess.

Once upon a season dreary,
while I pondered a weak secondary
And dreams of many quaint and curious playoffs of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came thunder clapping,
As of reporters fap fap fapping, fapping at Ray of yore
What murder? Sell some jerseys! Bilk the fans! Forget the gore!

To be fair, this is the first game that Muschamp and Florida have ever taken offense to.

Reporter: Did you see Welker eat drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Did you see Welker smoke drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Did you see Welker inject drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Did you see Welker snort drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Is Dan Shaughnessy an asshole?
Brady: Weeeeelll...

This surely wasn't the first time Brady saw Welker drop something.