The Mummy, which I always seem to miss except for the final fifteen minutes. Also Tokyo Drift.

Jay Cutler is literally a pox on Chicago.

Hockey's just bitter at how these other sports seem to skate by so effortlessly.

I always forget just how cool Willie used to be.

Hi guys! Willie Nelson played the rodeo I'm working at last night (I missed him, because stock shows are endless hell on earth), but in honor of him:

I got the same spiel from the guy who does all the leather work on our cars after an unfortunate back-seat crafting incident. The can of WD-40 that lives in my trunk and a big bottle of leather conditioner from the local tack shop saved me approximately $215.

+1

I, for one, would like to applaud Russia for taking the initiative to ban Molotov cocktails in Sochi bathrooms. Explosive diarrhea can be a major health hazard.

+1

+1

There are higher states of existence.

Perhaps the first literal "media meltdown" in Deadspin history.

+1 level of hell

That's some serious bullshit right there.

Queso got robbed. This vote is rigged, I demand a recount.

Guac is for putting into queso or onto burritos. By itself it's just a snack for people trying to delude themselves into thinking that they're being healthy.

If you're voting guacamole over queso, you're a horrible person with no taste. Fight me.

If you want to get technical, it's cheese, whole milk, about a tablespoon of flour, and a ton of stirring; it's the same technique as making just about any cheese sauce. So, yes, if you want to nuke some cheese-like-substance and add chilis, then be my guest. But I, for a variety of reasons, will be sticking to queso…

QUESO! And we're probably going to order pizza or something? I'd actually kind of totally forgotten that the Super Bowl was Sunday because I'm a terrible football fan. Oops.