"This is a man, in moving traffic, behind the wheel of a car that costs more than every organ in my body (including my eyes, which are 20/20 and a fetching shade of green), and he's barely paying attention to anything except what I'm guessing are the cringeworthy sexts to a woman the age of the daughter he never…

Ever since I learned that kids drive around at night with their lights out waiting for someone to high-beam them so that they can kill them and get initiated into a gang, I cut that stuff out. It still amazes me how many 80-year old white women driving mid-80's Buicks are trying to join the Crips.

It'll be interesting to see if this tuner brand dilution catches on with others in the industry. Shelby Flex? Town & Country SRT8? What a nightmare.

I'm guessing that if they were to break up, she'd have no reservations about taking him back.

6th:

A number of Jezzies wanted to weigh in on this matter but became distracted after reading the charges, remembering they had to stop at Radio Shack on the way home.

Judging by the curvature of Sparky's spine, it looks like the champ brought a lot of what he learned in the ring to horseback riding. Namely, jump on the little white ones before trying to tackle a big black one.

5th:

Odd how the first instinct of both of those guys is to hit their own brakes.

They never would have been heard in Minnesota with all of those Screaming Viking fans.

The timing of this couldn't be more perfect as I'm heading off to Hallmark to look for a "I'm sorry I threatened to strangle our 18-month-old son for failing to sleep past 4 a.m. for the umpteenth fucking day in a row" card. Maybe one of those nice pewter frames too.

This basically reinforces Jeremy's take on the CTS-V ... too much plastic, impressive handling.

Shocking that the guy with the German handle is a little sensitive regarding the disastrous consequences usually involved with merging the Japanese with Italians. Axis much?

Two words. Asian Drivers.

If this guy would brawl with a hundred people in the streets over a soccer game, there's no telling what he did to the Fast Signs bloke who forgot to capitalize Defence.

Has your father considered running for Congress? He would have my vote!

I'm guessing blondie on the far left would be wearing the Miss NJ sash if she doesn't balk at the finger-trap offer from John and Warner Wolf on the grounds that she just had her nails done.

Or that chick in everyone's high school who used to get a little teethy.

Because it takes a real leader to recognize when he's made a mistake and to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. Like the time he got herpes from Mariah Carey and decided to stop banging chicks with herpes.

"blowjob tutorial"