He was also my middle school janitor.

He began to strangle her, but after a struggle she managed to grab his gun and shoot him.

i mean, you KNOW i want to live more like you, so. I’m into it.

eating a salad as a full meal is like eating whispers

Everything is picture perfect. All it needs is a Hollywood star.

every time there’s announcement like this

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury...

congrats, huck.

opposite sex

This is why I embrace the “don’t you dare cross contaminate and make me sick, because if I’m going to get the mucus shits for two days, by fuck I’m going to eat enough gluten to put me in the hospital.”

please don’t give rich people money

There’s always one in every group. And we need one. We need you, JujyMonkey up on that wall.

the planters were a nice touch

To answer the title’s question, I believe Holmies jumped ship and became Roofies. I mean, what a dreamboat!

#firstworldproblems because people in poor countries never host huge weddings with tons of food, right? Oh wait.

“Recently, David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld asked that Cosby’s publisher Simon and Schuster remove their positive comments about Cosby from their advertising push.”

Of course he will. And Ms. Allred will NAIL HIS ASS TO THE WALL.

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait... you’re telling me that Gloria Allred gets to question Cosby under oath? There are not enough popcorn gifs in the world for this.

But I agree, if this guy wasn’t literally the worst it would be funny that a human adult thinks calling himself that is cool.