the joke so nice you told it twice

'Santorum squirt'

Brilliant.

Take your concern trolling about something that didn't even happen and GTFO.

Yes, because remarking about a hypothetical blowjob is the same as condoning the spread of HIV.

I am making 'Santorum squirt' a regular part of my daily vernacular now. I thank you.

1. Tips are for service. Most people working in industry think it's a God-given right. It's not.

I don't understand why people insist on making these "I'M SO OLD WHO WHAT WHERE" comments. You are probably old enough to know that google is your friend.

Her body is a goddamn amusement park.

That top one. Holy moly.

No kidding, friend!

Hahahaha, you're a walking hemorrhoid.

After hearing your side of the story and weighing it carefully, I'm still going to rule that you are a huge piece of shit.

Damn son. You getting that ass cooked like that meal your cheap ass didn't leave a tip on. Just admit you're cheap and...well you'll still get roasted but not as bad.

I KNEW YOU WRETCH OF A HUMAN WOULD COME SCREECHING IN HERE

You know what doesn't show character? Or class, for that matter? Calling someone "retarded". Throwing hissy fits. Also, your post here. Ain't no one going to listen to anything coming out of your mouth now. Cheers!

Can't decide which is worse—him bearded or clean shaven. He looks like a Satanic leprechaun bearded, but when he's clean shaven you can see more of his face. Ugh.

Chuck is angry at the boner she gave him, but wouldn't service.

Lily Pulitzer and Vera Bradley are the reason why I think so many rich people are incredibly tacky.

As a husband that learned of his wife's affair by reading a couple of texts between her and her lover, I think it's fake too. He kind of glossed over the complete unraveling of the life you thought you had and the agony of learning the true nature of your partner. I started to get suspicious when he had the wits…