Damn dude, that's an impressive list.

Oh Christ, where do I begin?

Well, my now husband and were having pizza one afternoon. After we were done eating, one thing lead to another and I starting giving him a good ol BJ. I was horny, so was he, so I got on top and started riding away, enjoying ourselves. Then I felt a slight burning sensation. I was like, oh whatever, it'll go away.…

Bloody nose and lip pulling up my own bra strap. My hand slipped and I punched myself.

Dislocated my jaw by yawning.

I yawned my face off.

i have done a billion fucking dumb shit things but i just wanna start with the fact that i have cut myself pretty excellently with a plastic butter knife.

i fully agree. so does kelly

lol i bet you are SO STOKED at the reactions you're getting right now ANY ATTN IS GOOD ATTN AMIRITE

So he's clearly a pirate.

what about you, Sally Sharia, do you just love to comment? tbh i would rather interview pitbull than blurb a pitbull interview, but this interview is FANTASTIC (thanks to both the interviewer asking weird-ass Qs and also pitbull) and i couldn't have done it just like this. also i interview lots of peeps so no

That's why I like men who aren't drab. If we are expected to go through the effort, they should too.

I have been saying this for decades; Madonna is....

Happy trail? That's a new one, I've only ever heard it called a crab ladder before now.

I can't find a .gif.

Could they not find a guy who has already gone through puberty for the ad? #teammarkymark

I don't care about the size of his muscles, his bulge or what his happy trail looks like. The fact that his head-his whole head, face and all-looks like that of a 12 year old girl is deeply disturbing to me.

gonna go laugh at this forever bye

It's a cheap high but when I'm feeling blue nothing makes the world better than bad 90's pop music, Ke$ha (this is her music before she classed up her name so I'm keeping the dollar sign dammit), wine of questionable quality, and pretending I am the most beautiful woman at the club with the best moves. And because…

What slays me about this is that the dog is so obviously upset that he's going to land on his tiny human. Like, they really do love us humans! Sniff. Makes me tear up.