BORTLES!!!!!!

Never underestimate the lengths and depths people will go simply to cover their own ass.

“I’m an adult, and I’m listening, and I’m sorry it took this long.”

You’d be surprised how many people just aren’t into the child proofing, either out of lack of knowledge of the plethora of products available, or because we never had that shit all over the house as kids. ( I know my mom didn’t) and some of those NYC apartment buildings are extreme tinder boxes to begin with. It’s…

I’m torn. On the one hand, I think it’s a tragic accident, and kids can do horrible shit really fast and all it takes is bad luck and a few seconds of inattentiveness. But part of me also thinks: what the fuck, people? Who doesn’t child-proof the stove if you’ve got a toddler? They get into everything!

I am so fucking sick of people just shrugging away fire code/building regulations. At this point, anyone who willingly ignores such issues should be charged with murder. (To be clear, I am NOT talking about the tenants. I’m talking about the owners, landlord, property management company, etc...)

Any reference to the “War on Christmas” should die in 2018. It was never a thing. Majority of people don’t give a shit. Greet us however you want.

This Is Us

That Cars 4 Kids commercial.

“Penultimate” For the last 150 years it was “Next to last” and then, like three years ago, somebody dusted off a Latin book and pulled this diddy out, probably ironically, and now everybody fires it off all the time with no regard for the fact that the next to last of anything isn’t particularly interesting at all.…

I AM A SNOW MAN

Any insult that the far right overuses, (cuck, libtard, snowflake, etc)

Right? Jesus Christ, Girl I Went To High School With, I don’t need you to post thirty goddamned pictures of your shit-for-brains kids every fucking day! You need adult friends! People like you are why I’m fine with not having kids yet because deep down I’m scared that myself or my future wife will end up like you!…

Twitter is dramatically worse than Facebook, as evidenced by the fact that it is the one of the two that is the preferred tool of Donald Trump.

Get this cool Mom a burner.

What about his voice, Megan? That’s half the Kylo Ren puzzle for me!

He just like. Looks like he would be good at seeyyykks.

He’d swing and miss at it.

bono, more like boner, because he really wanged on this take.