The cracked windshield was foreshadowing...

A dump truck driver pulled this in Hamilton (Ontario, Canada), and did enough damage to shut down the Skyway Bridge (it’s big).
If I recall correctly, alcohol was a factor.

God. Damn. You.

“What’s your first name?”
“Summer.”

Does this only work on animal bones?
Asking for a friend.

I love how the black pickup is like “welp..fuck this, I’m outta here!”

Want to leave work and not deal with any follow-up questions?
Learn this simple phrase, “I have diarrhea”.

At least you had somewhere to sleep if your repair didn’t work out...

Right in the fucking EAR!
Excellent choice!

If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it’s your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well I say, “Cheating is the gift man gives himself.”
-C.M. Burns

They’re all well and good, but do you really want to give up the view from those windows just for a little HP?!

Shorts cover all the requirements for my work.
Cover my ass? Check.
Prevent my dick from hanging out? Check.
Everything else is pretty much optional.

2500, according to the guy (“two and a half thousand”)...

Hey, if somebody decides to buy a car with pre-existing conditions and can’t get it insured, that’s THEIR problem.

That there looks like a “field-car”.

How was he supposed to know this?!
He’s not a mechanical engineer or a car-scientist...

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass, micro-usb.

Oh my god, the statue thing...mine hates getting wet, so guess what he does if it starts raining while we’re out...

Mine is afraid of shiny floors, stairs, water deeper than 1", cats, and small children...
Awesome dogs, but not without effort.