Because I love Excel, and there’s no substitution for it. Therefore, I have to get the suite.

Some perspective on how historic this is:

That’s how I'd like to be remembered.

Missed the perfect opportunity to snap it to the upback for the nastiest trick play of all time!

Fuck off.

People are horrible. While I don’t find Leslie particularly funny, I have never once thought that “hey, let’s try and ruin her life”. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

When a man who spent the best years of his life being protected by the Pouncey brothers and “slinging” passes to Aaron Hernandez and Percy Harvin refuses to get roped into your dumpster fire, where exactly do you go from there?

“And Noah gathered the dingers, two by two...”

We can’t lose out on his stellar analysis, though.

Yeah, I don’t really understand why they haven’t canned him already. It’s not like he’s even a good analyst.

Can they just fire him at this point? I don’t know if it’s pride getting in the way, but he’s been daring it for months, maybe even years, now. There’s no way he forgot about ESPN giving Caitlyn Jenner an award last summer.

Has there ever been a single case of a transgender person attempting to molest a child in a restroom? I’d be more worried about my kids spending time alone with a Republican wrestling coach.

The Fightin’ 91th.

*ahem* President Skroob’s combination was 1 2 3 4 *5*
Man, I gotta rewatch Spaceballs soon

keeping all your money in a single checking account and having your PIN be 1-2-3-4

Wow, you got them all right, in the correct order, the first time! Deadspin writers always fail at that.

But here’s the thing - if the USSF think they’ll be worth more income than the men’s team, that’s more important. They’ve effectively budgeted the women will pull in more money, and they’re still up to stiff them.

TL;DR Only black people are authorities on racism and any white person’s opinion on the matter is invalid.

Step 1. Don’t.

Ok Lifehacker. Time for a “Picasa Replacement Top 5" article!