Having ancestry you didn’t know about? It’s not unusual.

I guess I appreciate Adele’s voice, but to me a real singer has to be able to dance too....

Sudden death.

Can’t be Becky. Becky died from a marijuana overdose in high school.

How are this many people so new to the internet? And how did they end up on Kitchenette as their Orientation Day site?!

Identical cousins and you’ll find they laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even denounce gun violence alike. You can lose your mind!

Indubitably.

“That’s the reason this buff Negroid Amazon keeps dominating this classic sport, white people. Don’t worry. Normal cute white athletes would be killing it out there if they decided to become the double-muscled clydesdale that this black chick is, but we have smart trainers who made sure they stay small and fuckable.…

Vickie Gunvalson.

I...don’t understand this...

The family has asked for lack of privacy during this transition.

This article, which features interviews with two of the writers of the sketch, discusses why the setting of a Texas HS football town was used. Specifically, it was done as a means of situating the satirical depiction of sporting rape culture within a familiar setting, namely the critically acclaimed television show Fri…

I thought they had a bunch of malformed Kardashians shackled up in the basement. Or just, like, ones who are normal humans. "Mom, I don’t want to be on a reality show, I want to be an oncologist.” Get in the basement, Karson.

Madonna fans out there: can you help me understand not being embarrassed by her whole look these days? It’s not so much that it’s age-inappropriate, because she’s goddamn Madonna and she can wear whatever she wants, and I’m not interested in forcing a woman of any age into some socially prescribed model of…

That VOICE! I basically spent all of last weekend saying things as Robert Durst.

GET THE MAYOR OF TELEVISION ON THE PHONE!

I work very close to a tower of dicks...