Thank you. I can now die a happy human.

I am a 47-year-old woman with naturally curly brown hair. (Full disclosure: I love my curly locks. They are thick and rich and chocolate.)

Who wore it better?

Tough shit. Suck it up, Stinktown!

That’s not my heroin!

This broken clock is always right(-wing).

Bristol is so totally right! That Kenyan-Mooslim-Terrarist fake preznit Obummer is gonna use those atheist Commie scientists at NASA to teach that brown-black-whatever boy to make real bombs to kill all of us good God-fearing white-Christian-real Americans! Bristol best fill up her God-bless-America-for Jeebus quiver…

Oh dear. In 1994, I was dating a large Jewish man (I was and remain a tiny shiksa gal). For Halloween, we went to a party at his workplace (at the time, BusinessWeek Magazine). He dressed as a rabbi and I went as Arafat (we bought a cheap plastic red and white checkered tablecloth for me to wear). People were…