It bit someone in the eye socket and could have blinded her. And it's a dog, not a human, there is a huge difference between the two, I find it alarming that people don't get this!

This.

I love how like six people over a period of about an hour have told you it was her daughter’s feet, all but the first of whom could plainly see that you had already been told!

Huzzah!

Damnit! In at the inception of a post, which I consistently fail to accomplish, a chance to wit myself out of the greys, and can I think of a story? No sir, I cannot.

I didn't cry at my wedding, but only because the minister was so incredibly weird that I was concentrating all my energy on not laughing my arse off! He was standing in for our usual minister, who was diagnosed with cancer about a month before the ceremony - he's recovered now thankfully - and was like something out…

me and my old flat mates had a find the bannockbaby hair competition, and one day one of them, who was also my landlady, ran in shouting 'I've won, I've won!' She had found one in her boyfriend's bed, in a flat I had never been in! We all thought this was hilarious and definitely a winner, and were baffled when…

My ex told me that my love of Star Trek 'made him less attracted to me'. Arsehole. My now husband feels the precise opposite!

I have psoriasis on my feet. It grows back ten times as fast ( this is actually how psoriasis works as a thing). Means I can pick off skin from it and eat it ten times as often...

One of my friends loves playing dead! When someone has left, but is coming back, she hollers 'lets play dead!' and we all flop down in twisted positions and wait for them to come back. Yes we are all fully grown people. Yes, we have done this in public on multiple occasions. It just never stood being funny!

try a little bit of baking soda in your water. Like the amount you get if you dip the handle of a teaspoon in, it makes you a little less acid, and acidity can make y get more frequent UTIs. My Mam does this after years of getting them all the time, and she's down to once or twice a year, which is a MASSIVE…

You lie like you've fallen from a plane, with one leg bent and one arm up! My favourite way to sleep, and I'm up the duff, so my days sleeping comfortably are numbered :(

My cat puked on the stairs because we wouldn't let her in the bedroom (am now pregnant so she is being trained to stay out of people sleeping places). I discovered it on my way to my 3am pee, and patheticked at my husband so he cleaned it up! Every feminist particle in my body was hollering at me, but last time I…

Wow that's long. Sorry!

I got my first copper coil when I was in NZ for a year (never got on with hormonal things, and the idea of my natural hormonal balance being unbalanced), hurt an absolute butt-tonne, and was more crampy on my period than before, but overall I loved it. Came home to Scotland, and five years rolled round, so I went to…

Ours is Jizzie, which is both gross AND awesome. Rather like the substance.