Remember before the Internet when people just fucking proposed with a goddamn ring in a champagne glass/piece of chocolate cake/etc.?

My husband, not overly sentimental, says to me on Sunday "Aww, did you see that latest proposal video? It's cute."

How to make a proposal all about you 101

NOTHING. There is nothing to say.

I have a trip to California coming up (multiple locations - we are DOING IT ALL, BABY) - and I have been really torn about going to one of these places. I know it's touristy and I will be embarrassed and anxious the whole time (I both love and fear bravolebrities)...but I'm also like, can I really go to L.A. and not…

This reaffirms my belief that old white men do not fucking understand the concept of personal space.

'I'm Far From Finished!'

Idk how the idea we should sleep in the same bed with them became normal. Noooo. They snore and smell yucky by morning, every morning. No thanks. Stop by my bed for sex and snuggles and maaaaybe a nap but go back to your stinky man nest when I'm done with you.

Hmm... is joke?

Step 1: do whatever you want. Step 2: repeat every goddamn day.

Everyone always feaks out when I tell them I can eat a whole pizza by myself no prob! Glad to know I am not the only one!

I'm recently divorced and living alone for the first time ever. It's AMAZING. My ex husband was super critical and I am experiencing freedom like I've never known.

I have a habit in the morning of turning on the shower, and while waiting for the water to warm up, I poop. I poop in the toilet, by the way... not in the shower, if you guys needed that clarification. Anyways, because I don't want to flush and make the water boiling hot (which I have no idea if this is even the…

I fart with wild abandon and laugh at the noises. I fart as I high kick. I fart while plié-ing. If I'm laying down, I stick my butt high up in the air and fart. I'll fart when I'm far enough into the relationship, but not with the same gusto.

My first boyfriend (after I had been independent and single for years) told me while we were cuddling once, "See? Isn't this better than being independent?"