You know he was proud of that too.

If I were famous there is no way I’d be able to resist finding everything everyone said about it. It’s good I’m not famous.

It sounds like something Tommy Wiseau would do (based on Greg Sestero’s book).

Gorsuch’s plagiarism was identified when an eagle eyed law student caught a reference to his two daughters, Sasha and Malia, in the foreword.

LOL seems to have become punctuation for dumbshit Trump supporters going out of their way to be offensive.

He said hitting and pitching coach. It’s a baseball star.

I’ll say it, you’re a goddamned hero.

it’s SUCH a good one to see with a crowd (especially a diverse crowd). the theater i was in burst into applause at least 3 times during the final scenes.

Lucky for me my parents are both abusive pieces of shit I haven’t spoken to in decades! 50s are gonna be awesome!

It’s honestly a miracle women touch us at all.

I would have a lot of fun with that were I the living twin. I am a bad person though.

When my friend’s dad died, I went to the wake, which was where I learned something I never knew before. His dad was an identical twin. So, with no warning, I went into a room where dad was in the coffin, and walking around the room. Startling to say the least.

Congrats to Jordan Peele. Here’s hoping he does well with his future films.

DAMN

Ways to indicate laughter on the internet, ranked:

Andrew deliberately leaves Former Athlete’s gender unsaid. Is the problem him videoing this person at all? Bc I would think an athlete of some renown would be used to or only minorly irked by someone taping them. Or is it a video of Mia Hamm crouched over taping her kid’s at-bat and she thinks she caught Andrew…

Yeah, one thing I’ve learned as I’ve grown older - you should go to funerals of people you know whenever it’s not a major inconvenience (though if they’re really close, then you go anyway). Their families really appreciate it. If you “don’t do” funerals, you need to get over yourself - nobody fucking likes them.

The guy who broke up on January 9th could have just agreed with his ex to go ahead and start the 60-day notification process for getting out of a lease early and he’d already be in a new place by now.

Plus...when you and your girlfriend decide to move in together, it’s a one-bedroom, right? Is he sleeping on the couch…

I shower in the morning after my wake-up dump. I feel more confident during the day when I’m not constantly questioning whether or not I’ve done an adequate job cleaning myself. Those are thoughts that consume me.