Burt's Bees Cuticle Balm is the best thing ever. Accept no substitutes!

I love really bold lipsticks too, but I am always so self-conscious when I wear it, bc:

Also, it, um, didn't work. Her lips looked full to start out with and after eight steps and several pounds of makeup, they looked like equally full lips covered in lipstick.

ngl i would look ridiculous if my lips were fuller than they are now

1. How are you supposed to eat?

Plus the end result just looks like you were drunk while doing your makeup and went waaaaay outside your lipline. You're better off sucking on an overpriced mouth dildo from QVC.

I totally still have one (Too Faced, maybe?) and kissed alconlad while wearing it once and lied to him when he asked me ten minutes later if there was collagen-booster shit in my lip gloss.

Eight fucking steps for fuller-looking lips? I can't even be bothered to swipe an EOS over my mouth most of the time.

I was made fun of about my lips so much growing up that I cried CRIED in 7th grade when a weird girl came over to me (apropos of nothing) and said my lips were cool because they weren't full of lines. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!? But I was so excited not to hear a slur about my lips I cried happy, relieved tears.

Can madeline repost her tutorial for a great music festival look? I want to practice all spring.

OMFG WHAT. I had no idea they'd been discontinued! Noooooooo!

Plus they wear like freaking GRANITE. Which, on me, means I can get three whole days out of a manicure instead of two. Okay actually the OPI Liquid Sand one I have is crap, but the Zoya and Misa and Orly ones are aces.

I keep waiting to see a story about myself in one of these for the time I got drunk at a Red Lobster, climbed on a table and did a weird hula dance holding up two cheddar bay biscuits as a mock bikini top.

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

"I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady"

P.S. You really should take up eating meat again. Millions of people starve to death every day and would gladly trade places with you.

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.

Obviously the steak fajitas had not been grilled enough. The longer you grill them, the more tender they become. Look it up.

Monogrammed Thermosery

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!