Beyonce is suspiciously absent.

Oh please, he'd love both the attention and the urine.

Boy, that would really put a dent in the "suicide is never the answer" campaign.

The USADA tested Serena right after her win. While they found her levels of Flystorgen, Notgivingfucks & SoDopamine to be off the charts for a regular pro-athlete they still were within Williams’ standard range.

I’ve got a pair of all black Skechers that I’m trying out right now in advance of an upcoming trip. They seem promising. But I’m also making a trip to the outlet mall later this week to check out the all black or all white options from Nike and Adidas. I hope I can find some that work!

Lololol!

That’s a pithy response.

He originally had an accomplice to ade and abet his crimes, but their partnership hit a sour note.

I assume that before buying this beer, you and your significant other are required to walk around the liquor store for half an hour not being able to agree on a beer for the night then finally stopping in front of this one to say, “that one’s fine, let’s just get out of here.”

Crazy Rich Asians deserves its success—it’s a very good movie with broad appeal. Plus, Michelle Yeoh is in it, so what’s not to like?

Video games do pose a tremendous hazard to our nation’s children. Even now, as a 40-year old man, I still find myself jumping on turtles, eating wild mushrooms, and climbing down random sewer pipes.

She makes them feel so puny and pathetic. She makes them feel so weak and insecure. She walks out on that court, looking like that, dominating the sport like that, and they cannot handle it. The only thing they can do to try and diminish her power and her greatness is some bullshit dress code? SUFFER, FRENCH TENNIS…

No, not a lab, just the same uterus. 

this species of tarantula is a protected species

Holy shit Tucker need to fuck off forever. That was one of the most infuriating interviews ever. Tucker talking over his guest IMMEDIATELY, dude couldn’t even finish greeting Tucker before he was attacked with absolute bullshit leading questions and it just never stopped. 

Acevedo should have responded with, “Tacos are a part of Mexican culture, nachos!” and walked the fuck out. Why does anyone actually try and engage with Carlson when you know he is never going to engage in a good faith conversation? His entire shtick is to say stupid things with an incredulous look on his face like…

I thought “Agent Orange” was Trump’s KGB code name?

Well, it’s not the best Dylan from Teen Wolf, but I feel I should still comment my support due to my username. 

This reminds me of ANTM contest who said she could never date a white boy because their penises look like raw chicken.

Jesus invented fire for a reason. Raw meat is a sin.