I would rather hear that than the bullshit lies my friends come up with. My friends group is intertwined and well connected through social media. I usually find out if you lied without actively trying too, so why bother? 

That sounds like a great way to put it!

Now if there was a way to force certain people to read this. There’s a couple people that at this point, I take their yes as a 30% chance they will show up.

It’s a vernacular thing, right? “I’m not in the mood” just naturally sounds selfish, but the slightly different “I don’t feel like I can going out today” (as you’ve suggested) sounds much more thoughtful. 

Katy Perry wore a culturally appropriated Sari to marry a sentient HPV virus. She needs to sit the fuck down.

“Kate won”?? I hate this stupid comparison more than anything else she said. So Katy likes her clothes tighter but why does she have to grade two womens wedding dresses against each other? I don’t see anyone grading Harrys outfit with Williams. And you know she’s the type to tweet storm when others pit her against…

If I were server, I’d just have everyone who wants to pay hand me their card, then I’d pick one at random.

I save my judgment for those in the express lane with clearly more than 12 items in their cart.

🎶 This is my last resort. 🎶

And put each piece in a separate trash bag. You never know with these dumpster-diving identity thieves these days!

Can’t decide who wore it better:

Open carry Becky was booked ahead of him.

Assault Rifle Barbie got his slot this morning.

“An ABC News reporter confirmed that Schlossberg is no longer welcome in the building where he rents office space.”

Straight EVICTED. This makes me happy. 

To everyone casting doubt on the attack in college, I can attest that this was a pattern of behavior. I was with him at SLC and he punched me in the face bc I wouldn’t play Crocodile Rock at a dance party. I never reported it, but looking back, wish I had. He’s a consummate douchebag with no respect for women (no…

I never worked in a Walmart, but nearly every one of those vignettes has had me saying “that has probably happened at some point”

Jane the Virgin and Crazy Ex Girlfriend are both ending because the writers have a planned story line that is nearing its end, not because the CW doesn’t want to renew them (Crazy Ex Girlfriend was actually pitched as the full series arch). They are my among my favorite shows and I will definitely be sad when they are…

I 3/4 love this show and am 1/4 annoyed by it. The 3/4 I love is almost all the characters, and the fact that it’s hilarious, smart, both over the top absurd but at the same time the characters all seem very real.

I think my favorite part is classifying his law firm as a Spanish restaurant. This is what trolling should be.

He doesn’t deserve the tacos, save them for the workers at that deli.