My favorite thing about being single is being able to do whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want without having to check in with anyone, explain myself/my choices to anyone, or mesh my schedule with someone else’s. However, there are the occasions where I think, “Damn, am I glad no jealous nutjob is going to…

Ain’t love grand.

Enjoy it! I was just filling out my timesheet and realized I have a solid four weeks of PTO at my disposal. But I can’t abandon my husband and dog for a whole month— it would break their little hearts. Womp womp.

The “it’s just jealousy” part irks me.

e m o t i o n a l

Sometimes I am sad I am single. Then there are other times where I realize I can go on vacation and nobody will call in bomb scares about me out of jealousy, and I feel free as a bird and it's glorious.

I work at an animal shelter and I see people fret about what kind of raw diet to give their dog while their kids eat Funyuns two feet away. Bizarre.

Do you eat meat? That so sad. I have an informative pamphlet you should read about plant based diets. It will change your life. /s

That’s a bit extreme but I’ll be okay with a law that bans Vegans from condescendingly telling me why they think they’re better than me.

I’d like to be between the Rock’s hard place, if you know what I mean.

The one upmanship is insane.

hmmm. I thought we had ruled Vin out?

TEAM ROCK

Yes, can we please clone her and replace that Alabama Supreme Court judge who is about to get thrown out for the second time?

CONGRATS ON YOUR PEANUT!!

Amber Wolf for SCOTUS

Back when I bartended, I had a night where one guest that ran a tab had the last name Wang, one had the last name Dickerson, one had Wood, and one was Koch. I loved that night.

I was too busy laughing at this:

Yas King!