Because it makes him look cool.

Trump, under orders from President Bannon, will adopt this dog in order to show his kinder, more humanitarian side

I really miss having a dog right now.

“You guys think you’re a real country? HAHAHAHAHA!”

Fair point, which is even worse. Nothing like having a Narcissist in Chief who’ll award contracts to whoever sticks their nose the furthest up his ass.

So to take my mind off the impending nuclear armageddon, I can’t help but wonder what kind of wanker would actually want to be a member of Mar-A-Lago. Seriously, who would pay that much money for Trump’s shitty little club? It’s got to be nouveau riche people who don’t know any better, right? Like, if Hyacinth Bucket…

Forget the turkey, I’m trying to imagine the White House Science Fair this year. All I can picture is Trump eyeing up the girls participating like he’s trying to pick a new model wife to trade in Melania for.

One of my favorite moments is when Mary was doing a report on the news and Ted kept interrupting her, until she’d had enough and yelled, “Shut up, Ted!” Watching that on Nick at Night as a young lad, I couldn’t understand why she got in trouble for it. Sure, it was a little unprofessional, but Ted was being a jerk! He…

Nah, Ted Cruz already tried and failed to get the party nomination

My favorite part is how people get arrested for resisting arrest and nothing else. How can you be resisting arrest if you weren’t being arrested in the first place? Or is there some sort of Minority Report situation going on where the police are like, “Well we were going to let him go, but then we got a report that he…

The alternative fact of the matter is that he won 95% of the total votes and his approval rating is higher than an adorable kitty hiding in a box of packing peanuts

I have no idea what you’re talking about

I dunno, but she looks super amused at Boehner’s request that Gingrich pull his finger.

“I didn’t have to turn it down because as you know I have a no conflict situation because I’m president.”

Or how may jobs are still around when the California Delta Smelt goes extinct and the fishing industry collapses because a vital part of the food chain no longer exists. But hey, all those central California farmers will have their water back! Until the delta dries out.