Everyone is so mad in an Apple store that employees always looked shocked, surprised, and blessed when I respond to horrible news with a chipper, “oh okay no problem! Sure!” I don’t do it for them. I’ve been waiting uncountable minutes in this white and chrome hell hole. I do this to entertain myself. Your surprise…

It’s nice to know visiting the Apple store is as exhausting for other people also. I went to mine a few months ago after my iPhone abruptly stopped working and while I had an appointment with a genius, I was still told to sit in the waiting area where the seating looked like crates that had washed ashore after a ship…

“Hold my beer.” - Roman Polanski

He really doesn’t have much else he can talk about. The administration has not passed a single meaningful piece of legislation. He should talk about the stock market and low unemployment rates. He is not really responsible for that, but it is a very complex system and it is easy for a sitting president to take…

Because he lost the popular vote, it bothers him that much. It proved that people didn’t like him, and his ego can’t handle that. The thing that’s off now is he keeps talking about how he won due to popularity, while earlier on he used to talk about just winning. It could be due to him trying to “alter” facts due to…

It’s getting into “Al Bundy Four Touchdowns” territory at this point. Hasn’t accomplished anything since, so he’s going to hang on to his one real achievement.

Is he STILL tweeting about the election? #sad

I was just at the grill and I tried this method. Everyone looked at me like I was fucking crazy and laughed at me while speaking Spanish, not realizing I also spoke Spanish. Now I have the reputation as the crazy one and no one will ever fuck with me here. Thank you, Chris.

You’ve never been more wrong in your life.

No, you’re wrong.

This is the worst take and you should be ashamed.

I could have sworn it was an hour. Then again, there are a great many other things I could have sworn were true not so long ago that have come under doubt. Oh well!

Definitely, although he will help you out by blatantly cheating.

colleague of mine likes trump because putin and russia are scared of him... i backed out of that conversation before finding out how deep the rabbithole goes and possibly damaging my sanity.... i dont know where these guys get their info but it seems to be from an alternate reality than i live in

The Hill did confirm that there is work being done on the White House, including “the replacement of the heating, ventilation, and air conditioning system,” among other things.

I mentioned this to a Trumper and he said... “he’s gotten so much done he’s entitled to a vacation.” Seriously. I was going to ask what exactly has he done but I know that would turn into a never ending spiral which would ultimately end with something about how Obama fucked up/terrorist/didn’t care when he was on…

Oh, man, that would have been awesome. They could have just run into him at some port, passing him on a street, and Quill could have done a massive double-take and run back after him.

He’s had a hell of a career since starting out as Rafael Cingular.

He actually did get a call from the HOF but it was dropped

Don’t forget Jews!