did they try and reboot? that usually fixes windows for me.

*furiously racks brain for best possible masturbation joke*
*explodes*

Native American here. These names are ok.

Please clarify which one is kids and which is pets in your example.

Make America Take Again

This...this is a pretty hot take.

From the ashes, they will rise.

#MakeTakesHotAgain

I think the point is to take $0.95 per month out of the pocket of every american with cable or satellite television

“Welcome to Deadcast! Tim Marchman tells you why he’s unfit for modern society and Drew can only kinda laugh at him because Tim is his boss!”

Things that are equally painful but take less than an hour:

You are also Quebecois like that guy down the road drinking Labatt’s on his porch at ten AM.

“I don’t even like the water.”

Situations where anger helps:

Left-right, web-TV, USA-Canada, college-retirement, GM LLC authors-commenters, in common to all of these is "anger sells."

A few years ago I turned 34 on Easter Sunday, and it led to the most serendipitous Facebook post I’ve ever done:

I’m cautious about being played by people pretending to be better when they’re not (and just mad they got caught and willing to recite lines fed by a publicist to get people to leave him alone). But if we deny the possibility that our worst moments can be overcome, we may as well just give the fuck up on everybody,…

Does Marchman play an instrument? If so, it’s that instrument.

“Let’s see what’s in the funbag today!”

Seems like the only obvious solution is to get rid of the internet. Will you guys mail me the Deadspin newsletter?