this is the dumbest fucking shit i’ve ever read

In my experience, every attempt by the bachelorette to impose a “Jack & Jill” party on the guy has been done specifically because the girl assumes all the worst bachelor party nightmare scenarios (Hookers/Blow/SquirtingStrippers/etc) can and will occur.

FUCK and NO to any of this. Bachelor parties are a fucking blast. Bachelorette parties sound like hell. Mixing the two is just gonna make it a terrible time for all the guys and they’ll have a bitter taste in their moth when they see the girls again at the wedding. It’s tricky enough when you’re mixing your own friend…

Fruit picking.

No. No no no no no. No.

Counterpoint: No f***ing way.

The case against it, every one of my wife’s friends.

a museum outing (if your city has an interactive science museum that doesn’t have to be taken too seriously, all the better), an unstructured park day, a movie marathon, fruit picking, and trivia night

I personally think all parties should have joints.

Ahh so that’s why the video credits identify him as “Hoverboarder No. 8"

What’s so scary, Barry? If he goes off the edge he’s just going to hover.

A coworker of mine rides his mower and when his beer is empty he drives by the front porch and throws the can at the screen door, which in turn signals his son to run out with a fresh beer. This is how you should mow your lawn.

I don’t often encourage folks to follow the advice of Kid Rock, but he gives a great lawn care tip in the song “I Am The Bullgod”:

REPORTER: That’s great, Coach. Anyway, do you think the problem might be team chemistry?

THE REAL BIGOT’S ARE THE PEOPLE WHO WON’T TOLERATE HATE SPEACH!!!!!!!!1!1!2!

John Wilkes Booth: “Yo man, I’mma let you finish, but I had the greatest play interruption of all time!”

The theatre: where fans are deliberately placed to where they can potentially interfere with the play.... then get kicked out of the theatre for interfering with the play, as if the possibility of it happening never even occurred to anyone before.

I agree with the first three sentences wholeheartedly, but after reading the rest think maybe you should refer to him as your “accountant” from now on.

“I said, ‘I’m not big on school,’ and I will back that up,” he says.