WHY IS THIS SHIT FUNNY LITERALLY EVERY TIME?!

Baby blue and teal are really awful colors.

-1/2 star for taking the joke too far and for missing ‘involved’

They don’t call them “chairs” at Augusta, they are “upholstered lounging structures.”

That’s disgusting.

I could’ve told you this months ago. Me and my 15 year old friends only use Snap Chat to talk.

Both better than that swampass shithole you call Houston.

Tyler: Mom, I know I disappointed you with this embarrassing scandal.

The only problem with the argument, and he’s not wrong btw, but the main issue is, there’s not anything you can call a white person that will be anywhere as offensive as any slur you can think of for any minority. Whether you think Indian or Redskin is bad or not, the only people getting offended by Jones’ shirt are…

ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR YOUR HOME?!?!?!?!

Reminds me of Louis CK on Trump:

SCHEFTER: I’ll tell you this. He is a real stand up guy. Completely genuine.
PATRICK: But do you think he did it?
SCHEFTER: Does it matter? I mean, if you came in to my house and put a gun to my head, while I was on a radio interview answering questions about you...Er...Hardy and told me I HAD to answer. Then, gun to…

u up?

At work I routinely let my phone go to voicemail, listen to the message, and instantly e-mail a reply.

I hate calling but it’s so much faster to get things done with a business. I think people would be fine with calling if you passed a law saying only people could be on the phone. No robo-dials or bullshit fucking computer trying to figure out what I need.

The biggest balls of the night belong to whomever hit the button to drop that confetti.

Does it make me a bad person if I was hoping the shot would be waived off, just to see the ensuing chaos of trying to clean the fucking court up from all of the premature confetti ejaculate that some itchy-fingered production assistant spewed forth??

There’s no way Fresh Choice isn’t the name of the section with the sad prepackaged wraps inside a gas station.