In the top clip, he's all "Mommy, Mommy, I'm so sorry for everything" sobbing and whatever, then in a split second with no sobbing at all "Ok, let's do this." If there's ever been any TV interview conducted solely for fame and hopeful-for-fortune more than this one, I can't think of it. The whole thing is lousy.

The combination of Xanax and alcohol so often leads people to make the most embarrassing, regretful decisions of their lives. Most often, these decisions are forgotten by the subject, though seldom by witnesses. I swear, of all the drug combinations my friends and I have abused recreationally over the years, this…

I know so many goddamn weddings where beating the shit out of the Dad's girlfriend would have be fucking awesome.

I come from a HUGE family, half of which still live in Oklahoma. Yeah, you know this is about you, You. There was a rift in the 50s over a bunch of money from some business endeavor and that story itself is insane, but it came up at my cousin's wedding when I was 15. She had specifically stated NO FLASKS on the…

There was serious potential for Marvin interference at my wedding. My step mother is a crazy, fox news loving, motor mouth who can't stand to be in the same room as my mom (or rather, my mom can't stand to be in the same room as her), who also has a propensity for spouting moderately racist comments. She has no…

Not sure if this counts as throwing hands, but it certainly involved hands and was just flat out bizarre. We had our wedding at an historic beach hotel in New Hampshire. We had the main ballroom reserved for our reception and it was just lovely. We decided to do karaoke at the end of the night when everybody was…

We had a small wedding and didn't have any kind of "coordinator", paid or family because the venue we were at had a staff person on site who was supposed to run interference, keep the food coming, tell the DJ where to set up, etc. We got there a few minutes early (our off-site ceremony was WAY shorter than planned,…

Not sure it even needs a caption...

A "trusted family friend" who he had fired, no less.

We're gonna need a bigger cross.

I hate when the dentist ask me how often I floss. Don't make me lie to you. You already know.

OK I'll say it. Roseanne looks pretty great.

God, how awful.

Oh god. I was six or seven when 'Achy Breaky Heart' came out. My grandparents had a camper in a permanent lot on the Ohio River (on the West Virginia side, thank you very much), one of those campgrounds where you leave your camper year-round and can build porches for them if you wish. That summer, the spot next to…

When my dad was driving my brother, his friend and me home from school when I was in kindergarten, his friend was talking about how his class was having a Thanksgiving play. I thought to myself, "I want to be in a Thanksgiving play", so I chimed in that my class was having one too! I said that there were so many…

SO much easier to be like that when they're dead though.

It doesn't require magazine articles, this exact thing will be happening in the comments within the half hour.

I have relatives who are like her parents and they're still savoring what an awful person I am based on things I did as a small child. You can't win, you can just cut them off in the way that's truest for you. This was awesome.