"Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho."

I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SOUND OF ME GOBBLING DOWN ALL THESE NOTHING BURGERS.

I bet some players' wives and girlfriends would appreciate those pink mouthguards.

The Vikings announce that Adrian Peterson will return to team activities to spend less time with his family.

Have you heard of Jerry Jones?

I think they can do WAAAYYY better than this for True Detective Season 2.

+infinite bread sticks

Meanwhile, the Italian counterfeiters in the United States continue running a similar scam where "The Olive Garden" serves people repackaged human excrement and calls it food.

Manziel did apply for "Johnny Bench", but the patent office rejected him because he isn't very accurate at throwing a ball.

Shit, I'll settle for MF DOOM...

I dunno, that doesn't sound that bad to me. I'm pretty sure I would make fun of a boy wearing a P is for Playa shirt too.

Snoop Dogg on:

"I ain't evolved from no 2nd Edition"

To show how the book editions evolved over time?

You lost me at "Man of Steel is an interesting foundation for a universe."

I think the cuter the animal is, the more delicious its meat will taste.

Armadillo skin would be the worst. Someone tried to sell me a belt made of it and I still get repulsed when I recall the feel and texture.

You have to remember to turn it to the right setting, though

Fried fish ahead of grilled fish? I swear to everything holy, I will hunt you down you son of a bitch. This list should be put in the electric chair.

Wow. Kids in college these days can be so sophomoric.