These are all to be read with a healthy degree of sarcasm. One riffs off the name of a Friday the 13th film. One’s the new theme park. And the last one is so literal it hurt me to type it.

Star Wars: The Final Chapter

No Hot Karl?

Ken Jeong as the real Mandarin would be inspired casting.

Not for nothing, but 16 years to the day:

Yes, watch fandom implode because he takes a snap of what’s likely background fodder of one of the millions of R5 droids populating the galaxy. 

Once again, basketball decides it will appropriate the culture trends set by 12-year old girls who play soccer.

The great what-if here is what Adam McKay would’ve done with this property if he’d been allowed to develop it as the $100 million, hard-R film he wanted to make. Coulda-woulda-shoulda been Deadpool before Deadpool was a thing.

He’s going to need an extra G for that.

OH YEAH.

I mean, there are plenty of examples in which STD’s result in growths...

As Mr. Nicholson’s agent, having done extensive business with the Redskins organization, I would have advised him to hit the woman instead, after which we’d secure a contract extension and team captainship.

I mean, the guy played 9 games for the Patriots out of a career 61, so why not more clearly identify him as Brady and Belichick’s chief co-conspirator?

Dean Ambrose abides.

“Coachable” means you’ll stick an Oreo between your asscheeks and run the length of the field without letting it fall out. “Good learner” means you’ll seek quiet contemplation later to understand the lesson behind it all.

Pretty standard stuff. I mean, it’s the same reason we all worship at the Church of Muresan.

I didn’t say the best players, I said “youth soccer players,” and as someone who’s coached different age groups and abilities, I can attest that the nutmeg always nets the same reaction amongst young players.

That is a nutmeg. It’s the goal and aspiration of youth soccer players the world around. It’s the equivalent of the bottle flip, complete with the collective OHHHHHHH at the end.

THIS COMMENT HAS BREATHED NEW LIFE INTO MY YOUTH-SPORTS VIEWING.