A "t?"

I love finishing myself!

Hidy-ho! Weekend was eh… But hey, there's always Monday!

And like superfluous apostrophes?

Oh, thtop.

Native American, you racist.

Ahem, I believe Gwar barfs way better.

I don't get it. Isn't it supposed to be a terrible movie? I mean, get your head out of the gutter, America.

Latvian or Georgian.

This really dry rubs me the wrong way.

No. None of them cost a grand. I'm a pretentious dick, not an idiot.

Is this a Harry Callahan remake?

This year, it's actually 3 "Russian" brides.

Best Makeup gets a $25 gift card to Bath and Bodyworks.

*Sheepishly admits to having at least six different types of salt in cupboard.

So… Should we recline on you?

And now? How do you view life now, young man?

Um… It's Tom Cruise, so switch ESPN with Spartacus and you're about there…

Does creamy ranch mixed with yogurt left in the sun sound appealing to you? Yes? You're in luck!

Or meat, for that matter