Oooh, colonial burn. Nice.

Well, maybe if you had put a little more effort into winning the Revolutionary War, this wouldn’t have happened, old chap.

The small of a woman’s back, the hanging curveball, high fiber, good scotch, you’ve done very good work here. Seriously, good stuff.

At the conclusion of this contract, Cousins will have earned $127,896,600 million in 5 seasons. That is all.

I think you meant “you betcha”

Vikings have a long tradition of marrying themselves to cousins.

NDAs are for porn stars and jizz-mopping interns.

Putin Flunkies Trump and Nunes have literally turned the US into a banana republic under Putin.

Tillerson speaks out against Russia in the poisoning of the British spy. Tillerson is out of the job 24 hours later. And the new chief diplomat of the United States is the former chief spy of the United States.

Shut your fucking Russian mouth

Write down their names and hang these motherfuckers when Trump falls and they try to pretend they never knew him. Hang each and every one of these traitors. In a public square. While we cheer.

His son knows how to make it better.

Wiseau serious?

“Trump placed an aide, Jake Leinenkugel, in the office to monitor Shulkin’s loyalty.”

Oscar Pistorius has thus far been unavailable for comment.

Okay, now he’s ready to run for president.

I am undergoing periodic panic attacks since my wife abandoned my daughter and I last year. I haven’t really talked about it much, except with my boss who has been very supportive of all my time off as I get my meds stabilized and have to make divorce court appearances.

Just taking this opportunity to give a biiiiigggg ole fuck you to the asshole “teammates” of Love’s who dumped on him when he was going through a rough time.

This man is President of the United States, which according to Wikipedia at one time, was the most powerful nation on earth and a leader in the ways promoting Democracy, free trade, representing a melting pot where all races and religions were welcome.

You libs are so judgmental. You know, some people, REAL AMERICANS, read his words with pride.