Ummm...Embiid, Simmons, Lebron? I’d take my chances for a title with that.

He looks more to me like an alien wearing a John Oliver suit.

No. Absolutely not. No chance. The constitution is quite clear you can only deny service if the individual has no shoes and/or no shirt. Those are the only two stipulated conditions under which this is acceptable.

I’m giving you a star, but I’m not happy about it.

Where are the rest of your stars? I nearly spit out my drink.

Take your damn star.

Okay, fine, I’ll take one for the team:

FAKE NEWS

Putin doesn’t do favors for Trump. That’s not how blackmail works.

There are over four hundred thousand student athletes, and almost all of them are going pro in something other than sports...except for Jimbo’s DB’s who are getting PAID STACKS ON STACKS.

You don’t know not one technique that Fisher didn’t teach him

I still don’t know how many DB techniques Fisher taught him.

Seattle Mariners Baseball: At least we’re not intentionally bad.

Eh, it’s not like either one of them is ever going to play pro ball or anything

Suns Browbeaten

It’s nice to see Michigan State really cracking down on the problems in their athletic department

Maybe it has stuff about cars in it.

Fuck this guy. I am a two-time loser (which is nothing to be proud of), and while the hardest thing I have ever done, bar none, is give up alcohol forever, I did it and have been sober for more than seven years.