THERE IS NO GOD

Today is the first day that I haven’t been upset about Trump in two years and that’s only because I learned today that I’m getting a divorce. So. That’s apparently what it takes.

I hope Bruce Springsteen offers to play at Phil Murphy’s swearing in.

Especially since they all come from the shithole states.

Yes, fingers crossed that a Boston sports team will finally catch a good break for once, and a deserving and humble fan base will be rewarded with a legitimate chance at a title.

Well on the plus side that average includes all of us schmucks, not just people with world class health care like Justice Ginsberg has

Seeing as we’re all going to die very soon, I’d like to confess that I do watch the Big Bang Theory from time to time.

Tan suit. Don’t forget that.

Obama ordered a burger with Dijon once so they’re both bad if you think about it.

Whatever he just found out Mueller has must be amazing. He does have a pattern of creating tweet freakouts when stuff he wants to be unnoticed is about to drop. The more he wants us to LOOK OVER THERE the more outlandish and lurid his tweet spasms get.

“So Mr. Jeter, with our standard ticket price, multiplied by an expected season ticket holder base of ... let me see ... zero ... we can expect season ticket revenues of ... sorry, just let me grab my calculator ... zero dollars.”

Oddly enough, it was Jeopardy’s sister show.

This isn’t the first time a hard “R” has gotten a white guy in trouble.

Well it’s a good thing this article was asking who UCF should have replaced in last year’s playoff, when they were 6-7. Obviously, it was Ohio State.

The answer is both simple and obvious: Alabama. Didn’t win their conference, didn’t even win their division, didn’t have to play an extra game against a high-quality opponent. If you’re only going to have a four-team playoff, you have to treat conference championship games as the defacto first round, and conference…

because no one truly gives a crap about debating the ninth best team in the country

Alabama should have been left out. Weakest schedule, didn’t beat their only challenging opponent of the year, didn’t win their conference. There’s no reason in college football that we should let conference losers have do-overs, and they’ve done it twice for Alabama.

Which I never understood. It boggles the mind how people chant an entire conference moreso than the school. You don’t hear the ACC chant during the NCAA basketball tournament or win they won the national championship in football in 14 and 16. Only the SEC does this nonsense over all sports.

It must be nice, being so rested after playing such a pathetic schedule.

Footage of this guy is the best ISIS recruiting video ever.