“I sure did my part to ensure that when I was governor!”

“I’m fine with a woman being president as long as she’s a cisgender man.” 

Gotta love how conservatives act like Europe is just some sort of moneyless hellhole where companies like Bayer don’t exist.

My friends and I are just hoping trump will continue to hold rallies. 

I, a white man, had been told at different times by Quest Diagnostics that I was pregnant and that I should get tested for sickle cell.

Gotta love how conservatives act like Europe is just some sort of moneyless hellhole where companies like Bayer don’t exist. 

Even Pence can be correct without realizing it.

“I be fine with a woman as President. But I just don’t want Christine LaGarde to be that President.”

That was my take-away from that bit too.

This morning, European Central Bank President Christine LaGarde gave an address and press conference to explain the Euro Zone response to the current crisis. She was superb, as always: measured, informed, presenting practical solutions, and imparting a sense of calm to anyone listening (at least that ship’s tiller is…

““Frankly, we’re the world leader in infectious diseases.””

Yeah, he’s about to be right, but not in the way that he thinks. 

Then there’s our artful take on the classic cured fish dish, The Girl with a Pickled Herring.

“caulk softener”

Please use this space to share all the terrible entree names that would make AHESAA blush at that diner that you’re planning to open any day now.

1990s - A $5 shake was something obscenely expensive but utterly delicious.
Now - A $5 shake is a normal coffee-infused-whatever at Starbucks.

When you’re done there, go ask the cute salesperson at Lowes if they have any caulk softener.

Dear Salty,

Dear salty, every time I go out to eat, the servers at my local place asked me what I want to drink. So my question for you is, how do I order a diet coke? Is there a special process? I’ve seen other customers say something to the server, and receive one, but I can’t hear what they are saying. My usual tactic is to…

Where would Bob’s Burgers be today if Bob Belcher just called it the “Chive and Fried Pickle Burger” instead of the “Baby You Can Chive My Car Burger”?

I don’t want to live in that world.

They didn’t put no bourbon in it or nothin’, but it’s a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don’t know if it’s worth five dollars but it’s pretty fucking good.