Best advice given to me, that I have now passed on many times: Anticipate that something will go wrong, promise to laugh about it when it does, and definitely don’t let it take up more than a moment of the fanciest party you are likely to ever throw.

My marriage was ill fated (currently divorcing the monster) BUT I look back on the wedding with nothing but fondness. It was small, cheap (under 3 grand which is about a tenth of the average spend here) and I did almost everything myself but it didn’t *feel* cheap, it felt special and joyous because it was.

My sister got married years before I did and two pieces of advice she gave me really stuck out:

Since you’re here on Jezebel, I get feeling you might enjoy Offbeat Bride, if you haven’t already found it?

Congratulations! A small wedding in the mountains sounds GLORIOUS!

Wedding planning is weirdly stressful even if you’re doing alternative stuff?? Take it easy, be gentle on yourselves, and make sure the two of you are always the priority. People can be really weird about the most random things, like it’ll turn out one of your parents has a really hardcore specific opinion about what…

Hi Jezzies, hope everyone is doing well. It’s warm here for bank holiday weekend in the England a late mini heatwave.

I have dated men who are shorter than me, men who are balding, men with small nail beds (lol @attica) and many more with these types of deal breakers. None of that bothered me. But when a dude says he’s a DJ, I nope the FUCK out of there. 

I’d been on a couple very lovely dates with a lovely man. We were going to Netflix and Chill and went to a liquor store to grab some drinks before heading to my place. We split up to go pick out our respective drinks and he returned with.... Mike’s Hard Lemonade LIGHT. I feigned period cramps when we got back to my…

Dumped a guy over his heavy Boston accent. I just couldn’t handle the way he would talk during sex, saying “Oh my gawd, ya tits are ahwsome!”. It was like banging Ted.

I got drunk once and took too much sushi I would have had to pay for. So I stuffed it all wrapped in napkins, in my pockets. Then I promptly forgot I did that and went through the whole afternoon and evening, out drinking, with sushi in my pockets. It was horrible. 

She should have stayed at Club Lohan where the only thing stolen from you is your dignity and whatever else Lindsay can get her hands on while you’re sleeping.

OT, but I live in europe and I’m never up when sns is posted.

My mother told me that when someone sneezes the appropriate response is “achooie-woowie-woots!” Not bless you. Achooie-woowie-woots. I thought it was bless you in another language, like “gesundheit.” It wasn’t until I was an adult teaching middle school that anyone questioned “achooie-woowie-woots.” One of my 8th…

Okay, mine is lame (I have a birthday the day before a holiday and they told me the holiday was everyone celebrating me), but my mom’s is hilarious.

Zoe could wear pink crocs, a garbage bag cinched at the waist with a drapery tie back and I would still think she is one of the most beautiful persons I have ever seen. 

I have such a hard time keeping the Kravitz/Bonet family straight because all I see is a collection of beautiful people — Lenny Kravitz, Zoe Kravitz, Lisa Bonet, Jason Momoa — and the ravages of age mean nothing to any of them, so they are timeless, talented, and beautiful and could mix and mingle and morph into each…

This date happened LAST NIGHT. It was an online meet-up - we knew very little about each other. In our thirties. Me: Casual, understated professor gal who appreciates smarts and good conversation. He suggested we meet at the Ritz Carlton bar (eye roll) and when I arrived he was in a full suit (I was in jeans).

I had suddenly left a job one summer. And my wife told me her family had rented a shore house for 2 weeks. And I was more than welcome to come down for a few days. I was 26 years old. As I walk I to the house, her dad stops because I have a case of beer. He informs me that beer or any alcohol is not welcomed into the…